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10/23/06
Cover Letter 3.
Filed under: Public Relations docs
Posted by: site admin @ 10:23 am

Dear Dan,

>> I know you mentioned you will be away for a couple of weeks. But just
 want to try my luck.  Attached are my cover letter and an essay required
 by Mckinsey for application.  Please let me know what you think.  The
 so-called deadline is 14th of October but if you see this after that,
 could you look at them any way?
 Thanks so much.

 Ju
 – 
Ju , Ph.D.
 Chemistry Dept
 P S University
 1 Chemistry Building
 Park, P, 11111
 Office: (111) 111-1111
 Mobile: (111) 112-1111

One Response to “Cover Letter 3.”

  1. site admin Says:

    Rather than placing multiple letters, this post contains the initial
    draft with insertions to point out concerns and suggestions.

    > Hi Ju,
    > > There are several suggestions for each of the
    > documents you sent me while I was away.
    > > Please review them and let me know if you have
    >questions.
    > Regards,
    > Dan

           DRAFT WITH INSERTIONS (>indicates draft line)
    Please remember to list KEY ITEMS at the top of the cover letter–
      your address,
      specific hiring manager’s name and title,
      date, and
      specific job title or reference number that you seek.

    A generic salutation is probably not your best choice.
    >Dear Hiring Manager,

    Ju, I hope this commentary will be helpful for you. I will add some comments as I read this further to indicate what registers for me as I read this.
    >As a recent graduate Ph.D. in Chemistry at P S
    >University, I am extremely interested in joining McKinsey
    >and Company as a consultant. I am deeply intrigued by
    >the idea of impacting and improving business through my
    >professional training and network in a stimulating and
    >challenging environment at McKinsey. Here are some
    >reasons why I believe I should be considered:

    4 I’s in first lines. Not very business like. The opening lines need to be more business friendly. Who do you know at McKinsey? Who referred you to McKinsey? What work or articles about McKinsey have you known or read about? Remember so far you have not told hiring manager what you want, besides that position you seek. If it isn’t indicated early in the communication, it might be filed in the round file.
    >1. An extraordinary academic background (10 professional
    >publications in the past 2 years) is the best proof of my
    >capability for problem solving. I have also obtained an
    >unusual broad professional network through extensive
    >research experience and collaborations within a broad
    >range of disciplines and institutions. This network would
    >be extremely helpful in cases within the chemical or
    >pharmaceutical industries, especially when the health
    >care practice is currently the second largest industry
    >practice of McKinsey.

    In business, the proof of results is profits, sales, inventions, business relationships leading to sales. and the like. Three ideas seem to be listed in this bullet– academic background demonstrating problem-solving (how?), broad network (has been used for what business purpose?), and what is the connection to chemical and pharmaceutical industries?….
    2. I am very self-motivated and results-driven. As top 3
    (/180) of my undergraduate class, I was exempted from
    the qualifying exam to enter Beijing University’s graduate
    program. Ultimately, I decided to forgo my offer in China
    to come to the United States to receive the most advanced
    education in Chemistry. It is important to mention that I
    have both a qualitative and quantitative mind (combined
    GRE 2350) and I am especially good at utilizing details
    to (this might be—EFFECT) affect outcomes.

    Ju, please indicate how you are results-driven. Did it provide specific experiences that demonstrate this. It is not the
    position that matters as much as what you did in the position.
    >3. I have had more than 7 collaborations with other
    >departments and universities and companies. Team
    >work is essential in finishing my thesis research. My
    >extensive experiences in social activities and in lab
    >management as a postdoc have polished my
    >interpersonal leadership skills. In addition my extensive
    >list of international oral presentations has advanced
    >my communication skills.

    Are these collaboration on different projects and goals? When you manage organizations, what kinds of decisions do you make? Who hires, fires, sets budgets, makes purchases, develops patents, etc.? Just guessing this bullet is about communication…or is it about management?
    >4. With a talent in mastering language, my written
    >and spoken English are excellent. As a native Chinese
    >speaker, my cultural background will also be
    >advantageous at this time when the Chinese economy
    >is developing with a substantial growing rate.

    Clearly, this is a positive. Is this a position with possibilites of interacting with Chinese firms? Working in China, This could be an advantage.
    >I sincerely look forward to the opportunity to work
    >at McKinsey where teamwork is genuinely valued
    >as a company ethic. My office preference is a
    >location in North America, but offices in Great China

    (what is Great China?)
    >is also very appealing to me, such as the Jade program.
    (Should this be a new paragraph?)
    >To summarize, I believe that my solid academic
    >background and extensive professional network,
    >my bilingual capabilities in English and Chinese,
    >and my interpersonal and leadership skills have
    >provided me with a strong foundation useful to
    >McKinsey. I look forward to hearing from you
    >soon and welcome the opportunity for an interview.
    >Please do not hesitate to contact me if anything
    >is needed in the meantime. Thank you so much
    >for your time and consideration.

    As seen in several other references with which I am familiar, please consider the following points relating to this cover letter draft:
    - send the letter to a specific person. Sending to Personal Manager at best shows you have little knowledge of or interest in the company.. Contact the company to find out who might likely read the letter and resume and decide if you should interview.
    - Start your letter with a warm comment, ‘so-and-so’ recommended I apply for this position, or Professor Winograd suggested I contact you about a position….
    - What does the position require of the successful candidate? Describe an accomplishment and how it relates to the job you want.
    - Be specific about the job you wish to fill and the 2-3 key attrbutes you have that will qualify you for an interview. You might have been getting there but it was not as direct as it might be…
    - Ask the employer to call you or email you. In addition, you should call or make a direct contact within a week of sending your hard copy.
    - Double check every thing about the letter. Don’t let the computer do it for you. Attention to detail is very important.

    Hope this feedback is helpful.
    Dan

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