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06/10/07
Cover Letter: Example of what not to do
Filed under: Public Relations docs
Posted by: BlogMaster @ 8:28 am

A member asked me to comment on a
series of Pubic Relations documents he
has used.  Here is the email, then the
document.  A comment follows….
 

Hi Dan,
 
I’m sorry I’ve not been in touch since our conversation
2 weeks ago.
 
I’ve had much extra work to do with my part time job
….
 
I am attaching 3 letters and 3 resume’s.
 
Gx Os was for [an auditor position].  (the position will
not matter, as you will see…)
NE ……[not included]
KC……[not included]
 
Any input you can provide will be helpful and
appreciated….
 
I will also check my e-mail throughout the day.
 
Thank you,

COVER LETTER
GOOD THINGS:  nice spacing on page, no typos
[personal items omitted…]

HEADING OMITTED
                                                   March 14, 2007

 

Gx Os, Inc.

Human Resources Department

P.O. Box 36

Carbondale, MA 08407

      PLEASED SEND TO A SPECIFIC PERSON

Dear Sir or Ma’am        WHAT IS THIS: Ma’am?

 COUNT THE I’s IN THIS LETTER

I read with great interest your advertisement for an ISO
Lead Auditor in the March 4, 2007, edition of The Sunday
Times and ask that you consider me as a candidate for
this position. 
SEE THE ATTACHED COMMENT.

I am currently employed by HNL in Allentown, MA, as
a Technical Specialist.  I am also currently employed
on a part-time basis by American Analytical in
Catasauqua, MA, as the QA/QC Manager.  My
responsibilities with both organizations have included
oversight of the Quality Control Program as well as
working to maintain regulatory compliance with regard
to each laboratory’s Accrediting Organization.  This
includes performing system audits and data review,
writing and updating Standard Operating Procedures,
training coworkers on new systems, and providing
technical leadership in the laboratory.
CAN YOU DO WHAT WE NEED AND
ADVERTISED?


I have also been employed by National Medical
Association in Willow Grove, RI, as a Senior
Analyst.  While employed by National Medical
Association, some of my responsibilities required
that I observe GLP Guidelines in my work.  I also
participated in the development and implementation
of the company’s Health and Safety Program.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH
THE JOB?


My extensive experience with regard to quality control
in the laboratory, as well as my desire to confront
new challenges and to take on new responsibilities
has helped me to earn the reputation as a valuable
and dependable staff member.  I believe these
experiences will be a tremendous benefit to me
as I apply them to my work with Gx Os, Inc.

I expect to earn an annual salary of $50,000.
OH NO!  SEE THE FOLLOWING
COMMENT.

I look forward to the opportunity to interview
for this position and have enclosed my resume’
for your perusal as you consider my qualifications. 
Please contact me at home if you have any
further questions. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

P J

Enclosure
—————–
Readers, do you think this letter got far?

Dan

One Response to “Cover Letter: Example of what not to do”

  1. BlogMaster Says:

    Very good note on MSN by Robin Ryan to look at:
    http://msn.careerbuilder.com/custom/msn/careeradvice/ViewArticle.aspx?articleid=655&catid=CL

    PJ had FOUR of SEVEN of the elements in this
    article.

    Seven Cover Letter Snafus
    By Robin Ryan (”Winning Cover Letters”)

    “Cover Letters are very influential… Some …
    mistakes noted in the survey included:

    1. Losing them with your first sentence.
    THIS IS WHAT I FELT WITH PJ’S INTRO
    2. “Poorly written.
    .. the cover letter is more influential than the
    résumé, because it is a truer sample of the
    candidate’s communication skills, since they
    most likely wrote it themselves.”
    NOTE THE “I’s”
    3. Ignoring the stated criteria.
    “Applicants who do not address the qualifications
    requested in the advertisement or job listing
    make a huge mistake.
    THE SECOND PARA SHOULD
    PROVIDE THIS AND HOW YOU
    MEET THEM.
    4. Letting careless errors torpedo you.
    FORTUNATELY PJ HAD NONE.
    5. Clueless about presentation.
    FONT PJ USED WAS FINE
    6. Forgetting contact information.
    PJ DID THIS IN THE HEADING.
    7. Making salary demands.
    …Hiring managers said they were downright
    offended when a job applicant wrote, “I
    need $55,000 per year
    I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
    WHEN I SAW THIS LINE…

    ” A great cover letter boils down to this: a
    simple direct letter that mentions how their
    skills relate to performing the position applied
    for.”

    The entire list of survey results and all 23
    mistakes are published in the book
    “Winning Cover Letters” 2nd Edition by
    Robin Ryan.

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